Peter: well laugh all you want, but when you die you’ll have to go to heaven and you know what? You know what? your gonna run into those two deal bailiff ladies from Night Court, and your not going to know witch one is witch and its going to be really awkward, so bite me

Brian Griffin: Hey Bartender! Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

Police Officer: Hey. That’s Against the law. You’re coming with me.
Peter Griffin: [singing to the tune of U Can’t Touch this] Ah ah ah. Can’t Touch Me/ Can’t Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I’ve got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can’t sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister’s teat/ Can’t touch me/ Can’t touch me/
Adam West: What in God’s name is he doing?
Peter Griffin: Can’t Touch me.
Cleveland: I believe it’s the worm.
Peter Griffin: [still singing] Can’t touch me/ STOP, Peter time/ I’m a big shot, there’s no doubt/ light a fire then pee it out/ Don’t like it, kiss my rump/ Just for a minute, let’s all do the bump/ Can’t touch me/ Yeah, do the Peter Griffin Bump/ Can’t touch me/ I’m Presidential Peter/ Interns think I’m hot/ Don’t care if you’re handicapped, I’ll still park in your spot/ I’ve been around the world/ from Hartford to Back Bay/ It’s Peter, Go Peter, I’m so Peter, Yo Peter, Let’s see Regis rap this way/ Can’t touch me.

[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany’s contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, about your pamphlet… uh, I’m not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There’s just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich’s first city hall, erected in 15…
Brian Griffin: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and…
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian Griffin: You can’t just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism’s stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin: A Dairy Queen? That’s preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.)
[throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]
Brian Griffin: …uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.

More of this! Or you can go and kiss the fattest part of my ass.